Skip to content

THE RECORD

Archives

Every story. For better or considerably worse.

October 2026

Prime’s portfolio: Bitcoin for the coach, character-building volatility for everybody else.

Prime Suspect: Deion paid players in Luna, ICP and MAGIC — and kept the Bitcoin

College Football

Ryan Day pulls Sarkisian’s strings in The Sideline Report’s Red River market satire.

The manipulator: Ryan Day pulls the strings in Sark’s $412 million Kalshi collapse

Milwaukee’s clubhouse celebrates around the postseason’s most closely guarded steel drum.

Brewers High on Their Own Supply: Blast Their Way to 3–1 Victory With a Little Help From Miller

Derek Jeter and David Ortiz conduct A-Rod’s performance review, one jar at a time.

A-Rod Gets Peanut Butter Faced in Public Shaming After Going 0 for His Last 162 Game Picks

Barry Switzer prepares the first television for a Red River weekend in Dallas’s West End.

Switzer announces Red River blowout: “We’re throwing TVs out of windows again”

Ohtani fields questions while Mookie keeps the phones busy in the Dodgers clubhouse.

Dodgers Stop the Chop! Ohtani questioned about betting on series; suspected bookie is Mookie Bets

Texas running back Hollywood Smothers celebrates his Shmuckers endorsement with a trophy-sized jar of strawberry preserves.

Hollywood Smothers signs sweetest deal in college football with Shmuckers

Game, Set, Whack — The Sideline Report’s fictional Tennis Underworld cover.

GAME, SET, WHACK: Djokovic, Alcaraz implicated in bizarre Sinner “knee-capping” saga

Jannik Sinner arrives at practice in oversized hockey goalie pads — a satirical illustration.

Sinner begins wearing goalie pads between matches

The Sinner fiasco: an illustrated satirical investigation into the tennis tour’s increasingly nervous knees.

Vegas suspends Sinner “to finish season with both kneecaps” market

Novak Djokovic and his attorney confront the concept of baseball — a satirical illustration.

Djokovic attorney: “Novak has never even heard of baseball”

Kneecapgate: Sinner’s knees lawyer up in The Sideline Report’s tennis satire.

Sinner’s knees retain separate legal counsel

Aaron Judge’s dugout smoke break becomes the latest postseason controversy.

Judge finally lights up in October; MLB immediately investigates

Brent Venables presents the Sooners’ game plan: punt, play defense, and win 2–0 with a safety and a shutout.

Venables rules out scoring against Texas: “We have no plans to even try”

College Football

Tiger Woods leads golf’s comeback circus, with Rory’s 87-round scorecard, David Duval and Vijay Singh.

Tiger to golf: “I’m Not Done”

Nick Saban pulls the headset off Kalen DeBoer while Kirby Smart laughs in the background.

Saban takes over as Alabama head coach as must-win Georgia game looms

College Football

Rory McIlroy presents Tiger’s extraordinary bogey-free scorecard at Pebble Beach.

Rory: Tiger hasn’t made a bogey in more than 87 straight rounds

David Duval brings a beer funnel and a challenge to the driving range.

Duval bongs Guinness, tells Tiger: “Come Get Some”

Vijay Singh practices before dawn with an extraordinary supply of range balls.

Vijay: “I Was the Real Rival”

Phil Mickelson inspects a 500-yard reading at the practice range.

Phil says he can still drive it 500, will prove it at the Masters

Scottie Scheffler welcomes another season’s worth of trophies.

Scheffler: “Come to Papa” — “I Will Win Every Tournament”

Charles Barkley takes aim in Australia with Shaquille O’Neal on the bag.

Charles Barkley makes run at PGA Tour, plans to win Australian Open

Ernie Els monitors the comeback coverage with his clubs close at hand.

Ernie Els “Monitoring the Situation”

Steve Sarkisian studies an oversized chessboard at the Texas State Fair.

Texas tells SEC it won’t play OU until everyone has to play at the State Fair

Steve Sarkisian outside a Las Vegas casino.

Sark’s secret Vegas trip raises questions

Sark’s new look has the Texas staff checking credentials.

Plastic surgery left Sark unrecognizable… in a good way

Surreal a glowing Toby Keith apparition addresses stunned OU tailgaters.

From beyond the grave: OU fans say Toby Keith told them “It’s our year”

Framed OU basketball shorts rise into Lloyd Noble Center’s rafters.

David Godbold’s shorts retired at Lloyd Noble

Ebi Ere delivers his assessment of David Godbold’s potential.

Sooner great Ebi Ere sounds off: “He could have been the greatest”

Ohtani day-to-day after being tomahawk chopped

Ohtani day-to-day after being tomahawk chopped

Tiafoe jumps for joy as locker stocked with every Skittle ever made

Tiafoe jumps for joy as locker stocked with every Skittle ever made

Venables to play Sarkisian in best-of-3 Sudoku Challenge

Venables to play Sarkisian in best-of-3 Sudoku Challenge

Sarkisian says his team has almost no chance to beat OU

Sarkisian says his team has almost no chance to beat OU

Dodgers complain players were actually tomahawk chopped in gruesome bullpen battle

Dodgers complain players were actually tomahawk chopped in gruesome bullpen battle

Venables fires back: “Should have to play at the State Fair of Oklahoma”

Venables fires back: “Should have to play at the State Fair of Oklahoma”

Kyle Clow begs Venables to start eighth-grade daughter at quarterback

Kyle Clow begs Venables to start eighth-grade daughter at quarterback

Billy Bob Thornton warns fans to stay away from State Fair

Billy Bob Thornton warns fans to stay away from State Fair

September 2026

Curt Cignetti at his ice cream parlor.

Cignetti opens ice cream parlor as coaching world melts down

College Football

The coaching summit takes a competitive turn.

Smart, Saban, Kiffin & McEnroe come to blows over OU job

College Football

A coach celebrates another monster contract.

Don’t need winning seasons to get big bucks

College Football

Another preseason contract extension, before a single game has been played.

Preseason contract extensions become college football’s ultimate gold rush

College Football