Belichick: “I’ll coach until I have seven nattys or I’m dead.”
Larry Eustachy: “Seven is just where the buzz starts.”
CHAPEL HILL, NC — Bill Belichick has laid out a straightforward retirement plan: seven national championships or a formal determination that he is no longer alive.
“I’ll coach until I have seven nattys or I’m dead,” Belichick said, giving North Carolina administrators two milestones and absolutely no useful timeline.
Asked whether he would consider stepping away before reaching that goal, Belichick stared at the reporter as though he had just proposed punting on first down.
“We’re on to the first one.”
University officials have reportedly begun planning a trophy case with seven spaces. For now, six will hold office supplies. The seventh contains the receipt.
Eustachy: “Seven is just where the buzz starts.”
Larry Eustachy initially praised Belichick’s commitment before learning he meant national championships.
“Oh. I thought we were talking about Natty Light,” Eustachy said. “Seven of those and I’m still drawing up plays. Mostly directions to the next fraternity house.”
Eustachy said he admired the ambition but questioned the pace.
“Seven over an entire coaching tenure? Bill, are we doing this or not?”
An NCAA spokesman confirmed that Natural Light consumption does not count toward the national championship record, regardless of conference affiliation.
Eustachy has requested a recount.
