College Football
Utah offers $2,800 baby bonus while BYU is still No. 2
Indiana governor contractually obligated to set the mood after losing Notre Dame wager.
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College Football
College Football
Trump scores six touchdowns in BYU jersey after Secret Service bans touching
White House calls game highly competitive; defenders required to maintain a respectful fifteen-foot cushion.
College Football
Notre Dame files targeting complaint after repeated hits with golden plates
Replay booth rules contact “incidental scripture”; Freeman insists this is an equipment question.
College Football
BYU fan after Notre Dame thriller: “All my wives are getting lucky tonight!”
Jubilant husband promises to spread the ball around; Sitake says he’s going for two.
College Football
SEC orders football coaches into full uniform, takes cue from MLB
Cignetti: "Playas gon' play" and "ballers gon' ball"
OU/Texas
BOWEN DEMANDS $1.2 MILLION FOR PICK-SIX: TOLD MANNING TO "THROW ME THE DAMN BALL”
Sooners safety says stopping touchdowns and scoring them are two separate jobs, and Oklahoma has only been paying him for one.
College Football
Gundy paves the way for Mestemaker royalty on the Heisman Couch
Can the Cowboys make the CFP? Herbstreit and Coach Kilmer say they could go all the way. Drew would like everyone to stop asking permission.
College Football
Trash a Flag: NCAA lets coaches cancel any penalty once per game
One penalty. Any penalty. Gone. Lane Kiffin celebrates by spinning a flag into a giant tiger’s mouth as LSU loses its mind.
College Football
Mestemaker calls dibs on next four Heismans: “Even when I’m in the NFL.”
Oklahoma State quarterback reserves 2026, 2027, 2028 and 2029. Says college eligibility is “a problem for the college.”
College Football
Move over, Jeremiah Smith: Drew Mestemaker is coming to crush your Heisman dreams
Oklahoma State quarterback says Ohio State’s superstar receiver can have all the highlights he wants. The trophy is headed to Stillwater.
College Football
Belichick hires Petey Pablo as Minister of Culture: “Come on and raise up”
Players instructed to take their shirts off and spin them like a helicopter. Compliance reviewing.
College Football
The Petey Pablo Effect: NCAA coaches spin shirts over their heads like helicopters
Sarkisian, Smart and Belichick defend shirtless sideline celebration: “Song is so catchy, we had a blast.”
College Football
Morris: “I’m coming for Smart’s job, house, and boat”
OSU coach promises a national title before moving on to everything Kirby owns. Shohei Ohtani steps in to keep the peace.
College Football
Belichick: “I’ll coach until I have seven nattys or I’m dead.”
Larry Eustachy: “Seven is just where the buzz starts.”
OU/Texas
OU beats Texas: Venables OKs offensive score to secure win
Sooners coach grants one-time exception to no-scoring policy after determining that beating Texas is worth the paperwork.
OU/Texas
Switzer starts chunking TVs out of windows with help from the Boz and Mack Brown
Oklahoma’s win triggers an immediate Dallas ’85 revival. Hotel management says the celebration has exceeded its original definition of “room service.”
OU/Texas
Raiders of the Lost Playbook: Mike Leach’s secret Texas Edition discovered
The Holy Grail of offensive play calls surfaces ahead of OU–Texas. Leach reportedly trusted almost nobody with it—and hid it in places nobody thought to look.
OU/Texas
How wins and losses were bought and sold in the Red River Rivalry
Texas oil tycoon allegedly paid $1.3 billion for a Longhorn victory in 2018. He bought October. Nobody told him December was sold separately.
OU/Texas
Texas tells SEC it won’t play OU until everyone has to play at the State Fair
Longhorns cite “competitive fairness” as Steve Sarkisian reportedly plays 8-dimensional chess while Vegas rumors, a miraculous glow-up and Oklahoma dream prophecies swirl.
OU/Texas
Sarkisian says his team has almost no chance to beat OU
“You can’t prepare for a team this bad. It messes with your head.”
OU/Texas
The manipulator: Ryan Day pulls the strings in Sark’s $412 million Kalshi collapse
OU–Texas week descends into financial chaos as Sarkisian’s NIL fund disappears into event contracts, Ryan Day calls it research, and Oklahoma asks whether a margin call counts as a turnover.
College Football
Prime Suspect: Deion paid players in Luna, ICP and MAGIC — and kept the Bitcoin
Crypto takes center stage in the widening NCAA financial scandal. “I paid those fools in Luna, ICP and MAGIC. I kept all the Bitcoin for myself.”
College Football
Saban takes over as Alabama head coach as must-win Georgia game looms
“Can’t trust DeBoer with the legacy of Alabama Football.”
College Football
Venables rules out scoring against Texas: “We have no plans to even try”
“Could care less if we score.” Sooners coach says the defense only needs two points to be successful: “A safety and a shutout. That’s a complete football game.”
OU/Texas
From beyond the grave: OU fans say Toby Keith told them “It’s our year”
Sooners tailgaters accept a dream prophecy as the final word on the playoff picture.
OU/Texas
Chris Simms and Mack Brown enter limousine; entire hotel suddenly looks busy
Two limos. Six hours. One question: does “the package” include starting privileges?
OU/Texas
The Boz named director of hotel operations
Thirty vintage televisions. Six sofas. Three refrigerators. Management requests clarification; Bosworth requests a loading dock.
OU/Texas
Dallas hotels request National Guard. Switzer requests more ice.
Adolphus braces for the 1985 revival as CRTs and flat screens enter the same transfer portal.
OU/Texas
Jorge W.B. bets entire fortune on Longhorns: “There is simply no way this goes wrong”
Local gambling visionary liquidates retirement accounts, two vehicles, a disputed timeshare and an unopened $40 Chili’s gift card.
OU/Texas
Mattress Mack triples down on Arch Manning: “I have 14,000 mattresses riding on this kid”
Houston furniture magnate offers free beds to every Texas resident if Manning completes a third-down pass. The showroom is looking pretty empty.
OU/Texas
Governor declares hotel emergency; Trump offers to renegotiate Switzer’s deposit
Greg Abbott wants the televisions secured. The president wants naming rights. Switzer says neither man understands a cash bar.
OU/Texas
Major Applewhite strikes Heisman pose; asks valet to get the whole thing
Former Texas quarterback says the photo is “just for the memories,” then requests campaign lighting and a clean ballot.
OU/Texas
Roy Williams agrees to relive Superman play; Simms requests ground transportation
A 2001 classic returns to Dallas. Texas asks whether the commemorative reenactment comes with pass protection.
OU/Texas
McConaughey confesses: “I’ve been a Notre Dame fan this whole time”
Texas Minister of Culture unzips orange jacket to reveal Fighting Irish shirt; Austin begins reviewing every “all right.”
OU/Texas
John Blake enters OU coaching search from beyond the grave
Search committee calls spectral candidacy “unconventional but available”; boosters insist recruiting contacts remain excellent.
OU/Texas
Corndog mania grips Dallas: State Fair declares mustard emergency
Six-foot snacks, tactical condiment reserves and a midway that now requires its own offensive coordinator.
OU/Texas
Venables to play Sarkisian in best-of-3 Sudoku Challenge
Red River rivalry reduced to nine numbers. Both coaches demand a bye.
OU/Texas
Venables fires back: “Should have to play at the State Fair of Oklahoma”
Fairness, livestock barns and a suspiciously familiar substitute Sark.
OU/Texas
Kyle Clow begs Venables to start eighth-grade daughter at quarterback
The scouting report lists pocket presence, algebra and the ability to bring snacks.
OU/Texas
Billy Bob Thornton warns fans to stay away from State Fair
“It ain’t a fair. It’s a Sooner fever dream.”
College Football
Smart, Saban, Kiffin & McEnroe come to blows over OU job
“YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!” McEnroe screams as Norman coaching summit collapses into chaos
College Football
Don’t need winning seasons to get big bucks
College football’s newest strategy: get paid first, figure out the winning part later
College Football
Cignetti opens ice cream parlor as coaching world melts down
Coach unveils 9-Win Vanilla, Transfer Portal Fudge and a strict no-losing-flavors policy.
College Football
Preseason contract extensions become college football’s ultimate gold rush
August optimism becomes college football’s hottest commodity.
OU/Texas
Sark’s secret Vegas trip raises questions
The itinerary is missing. The sunglasses are enormous. The explanation contains the words “competitive advantage.”
OU/Texas
Hollywood Smothers signs sweetest deal in college football with Shmuckers
Texas running back unveils landmark jam partnership, considers changing his name to Strawberry Preserves Smothers.
OU/Texas
Plastic surgery left Sark unrecognizable… in a good way
Texas staff praise the transformation, then ask their head coach to show his building pass.
OU/Texas
David Godbold’s shorts retired at Lloyd Noble
Oklahoma lifts a pair of basketball shorts into the rafters and asks history to make room.
OU/Texas
Sooner great Ebi Ere sounds off: “He could have been the greatest”
A solemn reassessment of David Godbold forces basketball historians to reconsider the ceiling.
College Football
Indiana escapes Nebraska; Cignetti admits ice cream business has cut into preparation time
“I spent all week studying film. Unfortunately, it was security footage of the toppings bar.”
College Football
Gameday reaction: Don’t count out Bill Belichick’s Tar Heels for an ACC or national title
Tom Brady: “He will eclipse Saban in national titles by the end of his tenure.”
OU/Texas
Dallas PD in standoff with Switzer at Adolphus — 234 TVs thrown out the window and counting
Negotiators ask the coach to come down. Switzer says he still has three floors of eligibility remaining.
College Football
Mestemaker: “I’ll win it in a wheelchair”
Requests permission to wear a leather helmet. Says he is trying to give the other Heisman candidates a chance.
College Football
NCAA scraps halftime; wins count double under 80 minutes
No timeouts, no clock stoppages. College football promises to get everyone in and out in under 90 minutes, whether the bands are ready or not.