Indiana escapes Nebraska; Cignetti admits ice cream business has cut into preparation time
“I spent all week studying film. Unfortunately, it was security footage of the toppings bar.”
LINCOLN, NE — Indiana escaped Nebraska, 20–17, but Curt Cignetti reportedly admitted afterward that Cignetti’s Creamery had taken a sizable scoop out of his preparation time.
“I meant to study their third-down defense,” Cignetti said. “Then the waffle-cone machine went down and suddenly I’m installing a new offense behind the counter.”
Assistants said the week’s game plan contained two pages on Nebraska and fourteen on whether Transfer Portal Fudge could survive a price increase. One position meeting was canceled after the coach declared an all-hands emergency over inconsistent sprinkle distribution.
Cignetti insisted the narrow escape would prompt immediate changes: shorter tasting sessions, fewer sundae walkthroughs and no more calling the red zone the strawberry zone.
“We avoided a meltdown,” he said. “That goes for both businesses.”
At press time, the creamery had unveiled its newest flavor: Survive and Advance Vanilla. It comes in a small cup, with absolutely no room for comfort.
