College Football
SEC orders football coaches into full uniform, takes cue from MLB
Cignetti: "Playas gon' play" and "ballers gon' ball"
Oct 14, 2026 · 2 min read
Tennis
Tiafoe leaves lululemon for Skittles in historic all-merchandise deal
“People talk about generational wealth. My great-grandkids are never paying for Skittles.”
Oct 15, 2026 · 2 min read
Other Sports
NFL Makes Sweeping Helmet Rule Change for 2027 Season
Players can choose leather or no helmet at all. Studies show drastically fewer brain injuries, with small uptick in fatalities.
Oct 14, 2026 · 3 min read
Other Sports
Michael Jordan on wearing only one earring: “Y’all know what it meant”
“We all know what one earring meant in the ’90s,” Jordan adds, passing up several opportunities to elaborate.
Oct 14, 2026 · 1 min read
Tennis
Alcaraz rebounds from Shanghai exit, absolutely destroys Life Time’s 10 a.m. pickleball group
“People say I’ve lost my edge. Ask fucking Charlie.”
Oct 14, 2026 · 2 min read
Tennis
Sinner’s elaborate Shanghai disguise ruined by giant tennis bag that says “SINNER”
Blonde-and-blue hair, gold teeth, a giant chain, and a bag of Skittles. Just a regular guy who thinks Jannik Sinner would have won this.
Oct 14, 2026 · 2 min read
OU/Texas
BOWEN DEMANDS $1.2 MILLION FOR PICK-SIX: TOLD MANNING TO "THROW ME THE DAMN BALL”
Sooners safety says stopping touchdowns and scoring them are two separate jobs, and Oklahoma has only been paying him for one.
Oct 14, 2026 · 2 min read
MLB
Brewers support staff: “All we're packing is Miller”
Milwaukee horrified to discover Dodgers clubhouse stocks only wine. “We're here to play baseball, not attend a damn vineyard tour.”
Oct 13, 2026 · 1 min read
Tennis
Stringgate: Alcaraz upset in Shanghai, suspects Djokovic tampered with racquet strings
“I’m not saying Novak did it. I’m saying my racquet now celebrates when I miss.”
Oct 12, 2026 · 2 min read
Tennis
Alcaraz’s mustache backfires: Loses match, then all his sponsors
“We can survive a second-round exit. We cannot put that thing on a billboard.”
Oct 13, 2026 · 2 min read
College Football
Gundy paves the way for Mestemaker royalty on the Heisman Couch
Can the Cowboys make the CFP? Herbstreit and Coach Kilmer say they could go all the way. Drew would like everyone to stop asking permission.
Oct 12, 2026 · 3 min read
College Football
Trash a Flag: NCAA lets coaches cancel any penalty once per game
One penalty. Any penalty. Gone. Lane Kiffin celebrates by spinning a flag into a giant tiger’s mouth as LSU loses its mind.
Oct 12, 2026 · 3 min read
College Football
Mestemaker calls dibs on next four Heismans: “Even when I’m in the NFL.”
Oklahoma State quarterback reserves 2026, 2027, 2028 and 2029. Says college eligibility is “a problem for the college.”
Oct 12, 2026 · 3 min read
College Football
Move over, Jeremiah Smith: Drew Mestemaker is coming to crush your Heisman dreams
Oklahoma State quarterback says Ohio State’s superstar receiver can have all the highlights he wants. The trophy is headed to Stillwater.
Oct 11, 2026 · 1 min read
College Football
Belichick hires Petey Pablo as Minister of Culture: “Come on and raise up”
Players instructed to take their shirts off and spin them like a helicopter. Compliance reviewing.
Oct 11, 2026 · 1 min read
College Football
The Petey Pablo Effect: NCAA coaches spin shirts over their heads like helicopters
Sarkisian, Smart and Belichick defend shirtless sideline celebration: “Song is so catchy, we had a blast.”
Oct 11, 2026 · 2 min read
Other Sports
Baseball had it right: NBA coaches required to wear uniforms
Phil Jackson and Gregg Popovich immediately start working the refs in Lakers gold and Spurs black. Same intensity. Different outfit.
Oct 11, 2026 · 3 min read
College Football
Morris: “I’m coming for Smart’s job, house, and boat”
OSU coach promises a national title before moving on to everything Kirby owns. Shohei Ohtani steps in to keep the peace.
Oct 11, 2026 · 2 min read
College Football
Belichick: “I’ll coach until I have seven nattys or I’m dead.”
Larry Eustachy: “Seven is just where the buzz starts.”
Oct 11, 2026 · 1 min read
OU/Texas
OU beats Texas: Venables OKs offensive score to secure win
Sooners coach grants one-time exception to no-scoring policy after determining that beating Texas is worth the paperwork.
Oct 10, 2026 · 2 min read
OU/Texas
Switzer starts chunking TVs out of windows with help from the Boz and Mack Brown
Oklahoma’s win triggers an immediate Dallas ’85 revival. Hotel management says the celebration has exceeded its original definition of “room service.”
Oct 10, 2026 · 2 min read
OU/Texas
Raiders of the Lost Playbook: Mike Leach’s secret Texas Edition discovered
The Holy Grail of offensive play calls surfaces ahead of OU–Texas. Leach reportedly trusted almost nobody with it—and hid it in places nobody thought to look.
Oct 9, 2026 · 3 min read
OU/Texas
How wins and losses were bought and sold in the Red River Rivalry
Texas oil tycoon allegedly paid $1.3 billion for a Longhorn victory in 2018. He bought October. Nobody told him December was sold separately.
Oct 9, 2026 · 4 min read
OU/Texas
Texas tells SEC it won’t play OU until everyone has to play at the State Fair
Longhorns cite “competitive fairness” as Steve Sarkisian reportedly plays 8-dimensional chess while Vegas rumors, a miraculous glow-up and Oklahoma dream prophecies swirl.
Oct 7, 2026 · 3 min read
OU/Texas
Sarkisian says his team has almost no chance to beat OU
“You can’t prepare for a team this bad. It messes with your head.”
Oct 6, 2026 · 1 min read
OU/Texas
The manipulator: Ryan Day pulls the strings in Sark’s $412 million Kalshi collapse
OU–Texas week descends into financial chaos as Sarkisian’s NIL fund disappears into event contracts, Ryan Day calls it research, and Oklahoma asks whether a margin call counts as a turnover.
Oct 8, 2026 · 7 min read
College Football
Prime Suspect: Deion paid players in Luna, ICP and MAGIC — and kept the Bitcoin
Crypto takes center stage in the widening NCAA financial scandal. “I paid those fools in Luna, ICP and MAGIC. I kept all the Bitcoin for myself.”
Oct 8, 2026 · 4 min read
MLB
Judge finally lights up in October; MLB immediately investigates
Yankees captain faces two-year ban after officials discover the only thing he’s making consistent contact with is an unfiltered Camel.
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
MLB
A-Rod Gets Peanut Butter Faced in Public Shaming After Going 0 for His Last 162 Game Picks
Jeter and Ortiz finally find a spread he can cover. A-Rod: “I accept it as karma.”
Oct 8, 2026 · 3 min read
MLB
Brewers High on Their Own Supply: Blast Their Way to 3–1 Victory With a Little Help From Miller
Milwaukee credits timely hitting, clubhouse chemistry and whatever is coming out of the steel drum.
Oct 8, 2026 · 3 min read
MLB
Dodgers Stop the Chop! Ohtani questioned about betting on series; suspected bookie is Mookie Bets
Dodgers silence Atlanta as investigators uncover a mysterious sportsbook reportedly operating out of right field.
Oct 8, 2026 · 3 min read
College Football
Saban takes over as Alabama head coach as must-win Georgia game looms
“Can’t trust DeBoer with the legacy of Alabama Football.”
Oct 7, 2026 · 2 min read
College Football
Venables rules out scoring against Texas: “We have no plans to even try”
“Could care less if we score.” Sooners coach says the defense only needs two points to be successful: “A safety and a shutout. That’s a complete football game.”
Oct 7, 2026 · 2 min read
Other Sports
Tiger to golf: “I’m Not Done”
Woods says he’s “close” and promises to break Jack’s record as golf’s old guard, current stars and assorted lunatics immediately lose their minds.
Oct 7, 2026 · 3 min read
OU/Texas
From beyond the grave: OU fans say Toby Keith told them “It’s our year”
Sooners tailgaters accept a dream prophecy as the final word on the playoff picture.
Oct 7, 2026 · 2 min read
Tennis
GAME, SET, WHACK: Djokovic, Alcaraz implicated in bizarre Sinner “knee-capping” saga
Three incidents. Two knees. One governing body asking whether any of this happened during a sponsored event.
Oct 7, 2026 · 3 min read
Tennis
Sinner’s knees retain separate legal counsel
Left knee seeks damages; right knee says it is “keeping all options open.”
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
MLB
Ohtani day-to-day after being tomahawk chopped
Dodgers star shrugs off bullpen chaos: “That’s Braves country.”
Oct 6, 2026 · 2 min read
Tennis
Tiafoe jumps for joy as locker stocked with every Skittle ever made
Tennis star calls discovery “the career Grand Slam of snacks.”
Oct 6, 2026 · 2 min read
OU/Texas
Venables to play Sarkisian in best-of-3 Sudoku Challenge
Red River rivalry reduced to nine numbers. Both coaches demand a bye.
Oct 6, 2026 · 2 min read
Other Sports
Rory: Tiger hasn’t made a bogey in more than 87 straight rounds
McIlroy is talking about Tiger. All the rounds were at Pebble Beach. The tees remain a sensitive subject.
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
MLB
Dodgers complain players were actually tomahawk chopped in gruesome bullpen battle
Los Angeles files a formal protest after Atlanta fans take a baseball tradition a little too literally.
Oct 6, 2026 · 1 min read
Other Sports
Duval bongs Guinness, tells Tiger: “Come Get Some”
Wraparound sunglasses. A 2-iron. A VHS tape. Double D says the comeback goes through him.
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
OU/Texas
Venables fires back: “Should have to play at the State Fair of Oklahoma”
Fairness, livestock barns and a suspiciously familiar substitute Sark.
Oct 6, 2026 · 1 min read
Other Sports
Vijay: “I Was the Real Rival”
Singh announces comeback, says 1,700 range balls a day have finally become relevant.
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
OU/Texas
Kyle Clow begs Venables to start eighth-grade daughter at quarterback
The scouting report lists pocket presence, algebra and the ability to bring snacks.
Oct 6, 2026 · 1 min read
Other Sports
Phil says he can still drive it 500, will prove it at the Masters
Mickelson credits coffee, calves and neurological intent. Augusta requests a definition of “drive.”
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
Other Sports
Scheffler: “Come to Papa” — “I Will Win Every Tournament”
The world’s least rattled man welcomes golf’s comeback class and reserves all available trophies.
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
OU/Texas
Billy Bob Thornton warns fans to stay away from State Fair
“It ain’t a fair. It’s a Sooner fever dream.”
Oct 6, 2026 · 1 min read
Other Sports
Charles Barkley makes run at PGA Tour, plans to win Australian Open
Barkley believes the Southern Hemisphere could finally explain his swing.
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
College Football
Smart, Saban, Kiffin & McEnroe come to blows over OU job
“YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!” McEnroe screams as Norman coaching summit collapses into chaos
Sep 29, 2026 · 1 min read
Other Sports
Ernie Els “Monitoring the Situation”
The Big Easy was retired from the conversation until Vijay started talking.
Oct 7, 2026 · 1 min read
College Football
Don’t need winning seasons to get big bucks
College football’s newest strategy: get paid first, figure out the winning part later
Sep 29, 2026 · 1 min read
College Football
Cignetti opens ice cream parlor as coaching world melts down
Coach unveils 9-Win Vanilla, Transfer Portal Fudge and a strict no-losing-flavors policy.
Sep 30, 2026 · 2 min read
College Football
Preseason contract extensions become college football’s ultimate gold rush
August optimism becomes college football’s hottest commodity.
Sep 29, 2026 · 1 min read
OU/Texas
Sark’s secret Vegas trip raises questions
The itinerary is missing. The sunglasses are enormous. The explanation contains the words “competitive advantage.”
Oct 7, 2026 · 2 min read
OU/Texas
Plastic surgery left Sark unrecognizable… in a good way
Texas staff praise the transformation, then ask their head coach to show his building pass.
Oct 7, 2026 · 2 min read
OU/Texas
David Godbold’s shorts retired at Lloyd Noble
Oklahoma lifts a pair of basketball shorts into the rafters and asks history to make room.
Oct 7, 2026 · 2 min read
OU/Texas
Sooner great Ebi Ere sounds off: “He could have been the greatest”
A solemn reassessment of David Godbold forces basketball historians to reconsider the ceiling.
Oct 7, 2026 · 2 min read
College Football
Indiana escapes Nebraska; Cignetti admits ice cream business has cut into preparation time
“I spent all week studying film. Unfortunately, it was security footage of the toppings bar.”
Oct 10, 2026 · 1 min read
College Football
Gameday reaction: Don’t count out Bill Belichick’s Tar Heels for an ACC or national title
Tom Brady: “He will eclipse Saban in national titles by the end of his tenure.”
Oct 10, 2026 · 1 min read
OU/Texas
Dallas PD in standoff with Switzer at Adolphus — 234 TVs thrown out the window and counting
Negotiators ask the coach to come down. Switzer says he still has three floors of eligibility remaining.
Oct 11, 2026 · 2 min read
Tennis
Tiafoe spits, throws, and kicks Skittles during match as he jumps for joy
Chair umpire issues first-ever warning for excessive rainbow. Ball crew requests a broom.
Oct 11, 2026 · 2 min read
College Football
Mestemaker: “I’ll win it in a wheelchair”
Requests permission to wear a leather helmet. Says he is trying to give the other Heisman candidates a chance.
Oct 12, 2026 · 2 min read
MLB
Miller time in Hollywood: Brewers refuse to enter wine-only clubhouse
Milwaukee staff reportedly stunned to discover Dodger Stadium stocked for a vineyard tour instead of a playoff series.
Oct 13, 2026 · 1 min read
MLB
Brewers equipment truck seized: 400 cases of Miller, no baseball equipment
Authorities say the vehicle contained coolers, kegs, and zero evidence of normal baseball preparation.
Oct 13, 2026 · 1 min read
