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OU/TexasRed River satire · Special report

The manipulator

Ryan Day pulls the strings in Sark’s $412 million Kalshi collapse

“It wasn’t a rivalry. It was research.”

Ryan Day pulls Sarkisian’s strings in The Sideline Report’s Red River market satire.
Ryan Day pulls Sarkisian’s strings in The Sideline Report’s Red River market satire.THE SIDELINE REPORT

AUSTIN / COLUMBUS — With OU–Texas week already operating at a dangerous ratio of confidence to evidence, Steve Sarkisian has been placed on leave after the Longhorns’ NIL war chest reportedly became a $412 million lesson in event contracts. The trail leads to an unlikely control room in Columbus, where Ryan Day insists a tiny Sarkisian suspended from red strings is simply “a visualization tool.”

The inquiry began when a Texas assistant opened what he believed was the Red River game plan and found a 94-slide presentation titled HOOK ’EM, HEDGE ’EM. The first slide showed Oklahoma’s defensive front. Every subsequent slide concerned interest rates, rainfall in Athens or the release date of a Taylor Swift album.

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THE OU/TEXAS SPECIAL EDITION

One rivalry. No perspective.

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The comeback issue

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The original Close to Glory newspaper front page

FROM THE PAGES OF THE SIDELINE REPORT

“Close” to glory.
Nowhere near normal.

More than 87 bogey-free rounds for Tiger. Five hundred yards for Phil. Every trophy for Scottie. Australia for Chuck.

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