Mestemaker: “I’ll win it in a wheelchair”
Requests permission to wear a leather helmet. Says he is trying to give the other Heisman candidates a chance.
STILLWATER, OK — Having already reserved the next four Heisman Trophies, Drew Mestemaker has offered to make the competition more interesting.
“I’ll win it in a wheelchair,” the Oklahoma State quarterback declared. “Pick the chair. Pick the field. Pick which hand I’m allowed to use. Then pick somebody to introduce me in New York.”
His campaign immediately clarified that this was another unsolicited confidence statement, not a change to his playing status. Mestemaker was standing at the podium and becoming annoyed that anyone was taking notes instead of applauding.
The quarterback has also requested permission to wear a leather helmet, explaining that modern equipment makes the whole thing “a little too easy to watch.”
“Give me the helmet from 1927,” he said. “I’ll give you the quarterback play from 2027. I’ve already won that Heisman too.”
Campaign staff say the request includes wool pants, a muddy football and a playbook consisting of one instruction: Drew figures it out.
Asked whether Jeremiah Smith might now have a chance, Mestemaker looked genuinely concerned.
“A chance at what? I still need somebody for the other end of the couch.”
The campaign has offered the remaining candidates several additional concessions, including announcing the play in advance, letting the defense choose the wind direction and pausing the game until everybody feels ready.
“Tell me what makes it fair,” Mestemaker said. “Then we can all stop pretending.”
At press time, officials had denied the leather-helmet request. Mestemaker described the ruling as the first successful defensive adjustment anyone had made against him.
Campaign update: Mestemaker calls dibs on four straight Heismans →
