Texas tells SEC it won’t play OU until everyone has to play at the State Fair

AUSTIN — Texas has informed the Southeastern Conference that it will not play Oklahoma until every other conference member is required to conduct at least one meaningful football game inside a state fair, according to a letter delivered with a corn dog stapled to the cover sheet.

“Until everyone has to play at the State Fair, we refuse,” a Longhorns spokesman said. “Other schools get a normal road game. We get a neutral-site rivalry, livestock judging and a man selling deep-fried butter within earshot of our third-down meeting.”

The complaint describes an uneven competitive landscape in which Texas must prepare for Oklahoma while simultaneously accounting for Ferris-wheel visibility, funnel-cake exposure and the psychological pressure of being watched by an enormous cowboy.