Saban takes over as Alabama head coach as must-win Georgia game looms

TUSCALOOSA — Nick Saban has invoked an arcane comeback clause buried in Alabama’s coaching paperwork, reinstating himself for the Georgia game and triggering a series of consequences that include the seizure of Kalen DeBoer’s bank accounts, property and apparently considerable indoor wildlife holdings.

The provision, printed in six-point type beneath a paragraph about parking privileges, permits Saban to resume command whenever he determines that a football game has become “too important for whatever this is.”

“This is the most important game in Alabama since I retired,” Saban announced, already wearing a headset that nobody had handed him. “Can’t leave it in the hands of that dimwit DeBoer.”

University lawyers initially questioned whether the clause was enforceable. Saban stared at them for several seconds, at which point they clarified that they had been questioning whether it was enforceable quickly enough.

Under the agreement, DeBoer’s bank accounts were frozen, his property placed under temporary Saban administration and his remote control restricted to game film. His debit card now requires a satisfactory explanation of third-down coverage before approving a purchase.

“I thought it was a standard succession agreement,” DeBoer said. “Apparently I was renting the job furnished.”

The inventory took an unexpected turn when officials inspecting the residence reported illegal exotic animals beneath DeBoer’s bed: three elephants, multiple tigers and a bulldog.

Investigators declined to explain how three elephants fit under a bed, saying the matter had been referred to the same department responsible for interpreting the buyout.

“The first elephant was surprising,” one investigator said. “The second suggested a pattern. By the third, we were mostly concerned about the bed frame.”

The bulldog was initially classified as an exotic animal before officials amended the report to “hostile conference affiliation.” It has been placed on administrative leave pending verification of its allegiance.

DeBoer insisted the animals were emotional-support mascots and that the bulldog belonged to a friend. Saban responded that Alabama does not recognize emotional support on second-and-short.

Asked whether the discovery would distract from preparing for Georgia, Saban said the elephants had already demonstrated better gap discipline than several people in the building.

“They understand staying in their lane,” he said. “The tigers are another matter. Too much freelancing.”

The comeback clause expires at the conclusion of the Georgia game, unless Saban decides the following game is also the most important game since he retired. Legal experts described this as “retirement with unlimited renewals.”

At press time, DeBoer had been assigned to supervise the bulldog. Saban had already criticized the leash coverage.